Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
