Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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