dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
