Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
