Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
