Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
