it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
