hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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