i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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