If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
