woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
