I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
