hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
