a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am one with the molecules
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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