Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
