Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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