She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
