That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
