Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
