i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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