Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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