You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
