if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
