I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize