Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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