We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
