she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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