he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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