i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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