proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
