you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
