Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
