Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
