is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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