also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
