Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think people are normalizing furries
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
