i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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