i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
