your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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