I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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