remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
