This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
