Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
