I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
