honey bunches of taint.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she peed on how many people?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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