best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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