cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
