i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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