Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
