Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Man, jail baloney is awful.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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