you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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