look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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