I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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