last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
did you just send me my own nude
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
