I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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