I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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