The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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