I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize