i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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