I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
