Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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