i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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