I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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