I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
