I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
